


You can't see him?

by TheFlyingAce



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, And is a cinnamon roll, Angst, F/M, Happy ending (i guess?), Heavy Angst, Holy crap - Freeform, John is sad, John tries his best, Lets play a little game, M/M, Philip doesnt deserve this, alex needs to sort out his priorities, because i hate this, called how long until you exit the browser because of this story, i hate myself for writing this, im so sorry, like daMN SON, protect him, still really angsty, this took forever to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 08:15:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8883547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFlyingAce/pseuds/TheFlyingAce
Summary: For the first years of his life, Philip thought everyone could see John. Turns out, he was the only one who could.





	

For as long as Philip could remember, John was always there. He would stand at the head of his crib, making silly faces to make Philip laugh. Some days he would just stand there silently and stare at him with tear-filled eyes or a proud smile.

John was his best friend growing up. He would always play with him and was extremely patient. As he got older, he started to question why no one paid any attention to him. So when his father walked in his room and asked him what he was doing, he said that he was playing with John. 

"Your brother? He's not up here, Philip," Alexander worriedly looked at him. 

"No, daddy! John, my friend! Don't you see him?" John stopped what he was doing and looked up at Alex. 

"Sport, I can't see John, there's no one else in here. Are you sure you're okay?"

"What do you mean, you can't see him? He's right over there!" He looked over to John and raised his pointer finger in his direction. His father looked at where he was pointing and saw nothing but empty space.

"I think it's about time for you to take your nap. Up you go," he grunted as he lifted the small child into the air, exaggerating his weight. "You're getting to be big, son," Alexander smiled. 

When he was tucked into bed and his father left, he got a good glance at John's face. He was heartbroken. Philip didn't like it. He never wanted John to be upset by anything.

"It's not your fault, John, don't be sad. My daddy has poor eyesight anyway," he seriously stated and John burst into quiet laughter. Philip decided that he liked it better when John was happy. 

"That he does, Pip. Get some rest, okay? I'll be right here, little man." John never went against his word. He woke up from his nap to see John looking down at him.

Years came and passed, and Philip got older. It was strange that he never saw John age once. He stayed in his mid-20s. He remembered one day he got the courage to ask him why he never aged. 

"I'm different from most people, Pip. They can't see me because I'm a ghost," John slowly told him. "I'm not living anymore."

"Really?" John nodded. "That's so cool!" Philip realized what he said and corrected himself. "I mean, it's not cool that you're dead and all, but it's cool that I know a ghost. Are you like a guardian angel?"

John nodded. "Your dad and I were really close friends when I was alive. I died in the Revolutionary War," he explained. "I decided to stay on Earth and watch over your dad and your family."

"You must've been really close friends, then," Philip giggled.

"You have no idea, Pipsqueak, you have no idea," John sighed.

~~~

Philip grew more. Soon his 9th birthday came around and left, and summer came. The whole family packed their things and left for a vacation.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Philip pouted. 

"I think I'm gonna stay home and watch over your dad this summer, sorry buddy," he patted the boy's head.

The family piled into the carriage as John and Alex watched them leave. Alex walked back into the house and went immediately back to work.

Weeks passed and he didn't stop working. He was running on fumes for the longest time. John couldn't do anything to stop him, to tell him to take a break. He was so adamant on tearing Jefferson apart that he was ignoring his basic human needs.

So when Mrs. Maria Reynolds walked into his life he couldn't say no. John couldn't do anything to make him wake up, to realize that he needed to stop for his wife and children.

The family came home and John didn't say a word of the affair to Philip. He was too young to be able to understand and he didn't want to hurt him. 

Two years later he stopped seeing Maria. He wrote the Reynolds Pamphlet in the same year.

"No, Alex, don't do it! Just let it go!" John tried to get Alexander's attention with no luck.

"The friend who would tell me not to do it is six feet under. The enemies I've made won't have shit on me now," he angrily laughed, his tears betraying him.

John tried to reach out to him, but Alex moved away, chilled from the sudden draft in the room. Tears fell from both of their faces as Alex slammed down on his desk and started writing, writing, writing. It never ended. John stood next to him, trying anything to make him stop writing, writing, writing. 

He could only imagine how Philip would react. He was such a sweet boy, he didn't deserve this. He shouldn't have to deal with that. 

Days passed and Alex, to John's dismay, finished his writing. He thought of telling Philip about the affair, but he just couldn't bring himself to. Maybe Alex wouldn't publish it. Maybe he would keep it quiet and it wouldn't ever come back up again.

Philip noticed that there was something wrong with John pretty quickly. He questioned him what was wrong.

"Hey, Jack, you okay? You don't look so good. And you're dead, you can't exactly get sick. I think." Philip chuckled. 

"I'm fine, Pip. Don't worry about it. So, I heard you got yourself a friend your age, huh? What's her name, Theodosia Burr?"

~~~

"Jack, I'm doing this. I can't just let people talk trash about my family, I can't take it. You can't stop me from doing this," he fiercely stated. John sighed.

"You're just like your father, you know that, right?" He shook his head. Philip stood in front of him pacing. "Let it go, Philip. It's not worth your life, you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do. He insulted my family!"

"If you die, I'm gonna kill you."

"So be it. I'm still doing this." 

"Then I'm coming with you," John said. Philip took a heavy breath.

"Fine."

~~~

Philip marched up the hill with confidence, John right next to him. He was not so confident. He knew that all of that confidence was a mask Philip was wearing, and John could see right through it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" That received a glare from the younger. He sighed again but didn't say anything else.

At the top of the hill, George Eacker waited impatiently. "Let's go," he rolled his eyes, as if he wasn't going into a duel. That's when John started to worry more. This man would not hesitate to shoot Philip.

John stood back and watched as Philip moved into position. Looking back at John, Philip's facade cracked. His gun was already raised toward the sky. As soon as he turned around his body shuddered under sudden impact. All John could do was watch the gun drop out of Philip's hand and his body fall to the ground.

Eacker shot him at seven.

~~~

Philip's vision was fading in and out. He could make out his father leaning over him, and he remembered the firm grip on his arm, and his scratchy voice begging him to hold on. He tried, he really did. He breathed in, out, in, out, but it wasn't enough. His mother burst into the room, crying. He hated seeing her cry.

His eyes suddenly focused on another person in the room, someone who he hadn't seen before.

It was John.

He was standing behind his father's shoulder, tears streaming down his face. He was here, John was here. It was going to be okay. 

John walked around the table slowly, standing in a spot where he could easily take his hand. He brushed the strands of hair out of Philip's face and stroked a hand down his pale face.

"You're so strong, Pip, I'm so proud of you," John could not stay strong for much longer. He could barely breathe. He failed Alexander. He failed Eliza. He failed Philip's brothers and sisters who won't be getting him back. He failed Philip. 

Taking his eyes off of Philip, he looked at Alexander and Eliza. They were losing their son because of John. He could've stopped him from going, changed his mind. But he could no longer dwell on that fact now.

"Are you ready?" He asked Philip softly and affectionately. Philip slowly turned his head towards his parents, who were giving up hope. He weakly squeezed his grip on his father's arm and looked back over to John, who offered out his hand.

Philip took it.

The next thing he knew, he was standing next to John, swallowed in by his arms. He slowly turned around to hear the most most heartwrenching sound. His mother's own scream, heavy and high pitched and laced with grief. He broke out of John's grip and raced over to his mother, full of newfound energy. 

"Ma, I'm right here! Please don't cr-" he watched as his hand passed right through her and  horror. Then he noticed the body. 

It was his body. Philip was dead. 

~~~

Alexander was dying, he knew it. He felt it. The life was draining from his body slowly but surely. 

Tears came to his eyes. In the corner of the dark room, there stood his once lover and Alexander's own son. Philip was attached to John's side, tears streaming down both of their faces. Philip could no longer bring himself to look at his father so he brought his face to John's chest, practically sobbing. John looked tired. He gave Alexander a look heavy with remorse and he and Philip stepped closer.

"Pa, why did you do that?!" Philip cried as he grabbed Alexander's hand. "You have so much to live for, why?" 

He couldn't answer.

John stepped forward to caress his face and he knew why he had done it. He was sick of living. He wanted his son back so badly, he wanted John. He had missed this so much, he didn't even realize it before. He missed John's touch.

He averted his attention back to his son. Philip, oh sweet, poor Philip, could barely hold himself together. His smaller body was racked with silent sobs and his hair was covering his face. He was holding tightly onto his father's with one and John's with the other. 

Alex slowly took his hand out of Philip's to caress his face. He noticed something. John and Philip look almost exactly alike. How had he not noticed before, even with all of the portraits of John? He couldn't ever be exactly sure.

He wiped away Philip's tears and pushed the hair out of his face. "I'm so sorry," Alex whispered, tears streaming down his face. "I'm so sorry that I've done this to you, Philip," his son didn't deserve this.

"Pop, please don't cry, I don't want you to cry too," he fretted. Outside the door, the sound of heels clacking loudly down the hallway made its way outside the door. He directed his attention to his wife and sister-in-law who had just burst into the room.

"None of you deserve this," he whispered. John and Philip moved to the other side of him while Angelica and Eliza took their old spot. 

"You almost ready?" John asked him quietly. Alex looked up at him and nodded. He turned to look at his wife one last time and whispered his apologies. He turned back to John, who offered out his hand.

Alex took it.

The next thing he knew, his son was in his arms again. Alex let out a cry of joy and hugged his son tighter. 

"My son," he cried. "I love you so much, I'm so sorry!" Philip pulled back and tearfully smiled at him.

"I missed you, pa," he rasped. Alex kissed his forehead. He shuddered at the sound of Eliza's cries. He looked back one last time, whispered one last apology, and turned to John. 

He was standing there, tears in his eyes, and Alex fiercely hugged him. Once they parted, Alex whispered, "I missed you," and John took his arm.

"I was there the whole time," he whispered back. Alex's eyes widened in recognition and he pulled him back into a hug, kissing him gently. 

John took Philip's arm and pulled him into the hug. "Let's go," John smiled at them. They all took each other's hands and walked out of the doors. They never looked back.

**Author's Note:**

> Oops. I'm not going to say I'm sorry though. I would say that I thought about John moving Philip's bullet so it wouldn't hit him, but then I'd be lying.
> 
> I hate my writing
> 
> If you did like it (I heavily doubt it) please a comment because it makes me feel better about myself


End file.
